There are two things growing inside of me right now: a book, which I hope to have drafted by December 2012 (with a preliminary due date of two more chapters by April 1st, the date of my Regent Arts Thesis presentation), and a little person, whose due date is June 23rd.
I hope this explains at least a little bit why I didn't make it to my goal of writing 17 posts about food. It was hard to write passionately about food last semester because, for the first time in my life, food just didn't seem that appetizing. I had morning sickness (or, in my case, it usually came on in the afternoons/ evenings) from week 7 or so until week 14. Though I was blessed that I wasn't constantly running to the bathroom, I felt pretty nauseous for those 7 weeks and I didn't realize just how much this had affected the way I felt about food and my excitement about eating until my appetite came back a few weeks ago (baby is now at 16 weeks), just in time for Christmas. My Mother-in-law was more than happy to oblige the newfound appetite. :)
I have been putting off posting about the pregnancy because I wanted to tell just one more friend in person or on the phone, but I've been really tired through the past few months and social interactions were hard. I was pretty much in hibernation. I would sneak in to the back of church or class, often late, and sneak out as soon as it was over, and I could never think of what to say in conversation. My brain was moving a little more slowly than usual. So, all that to say, I'm sorry for the long silence. Perhaps a new series is now in order. I don't want to overwhelm you with the details of pregnancy, but it has been a weirdly exciting journey for me so far.
I've always wanted to be a mother, especially because I have such a great one myself, so since Clint and I got married I've been chomping at the bit to get to the place where I was "done" with school, at least done enough to enjoy a new phase in my life. But in some ways it still feels like a surprise. You get used to your body acting a certain way after 27 years, and when things change all of the sudden, at least I felt a little betrayed. I don't know what I was expecting, I probably wasn't thinking about it at all.
What I didn't also expect at all was to feel so nervous and worried. I've known several friends who have lost babies and in some ways it just feels too good to be true that I'm having a healthy pregnancy. I worry every day, "What if I become attached to this baby and it doesn't make it." But learning to deal with worry and face the possibility of loss seems like the first step in a long journey (hopefully) of nurturing this little person and others. A dear friend from Calgary said that I shouldn't call it worry, but concern, and it's because I'm a nurturer. In some ways, the concern will probably never go away. Only God knows how many days are given to each of us. So instead of worrying I'm trying to pray instead that I can just love this little one every day that we have.