"God showed me something small, no bigger than a hazelnut, lying in the palm of my hand… and it was round as a ball. I looked at it with the eye of my understanding and thought: 'What can this be?' And it was generally answered thus: 'It is all that was made.' It was so small I thought it might disappear, but I was answered... everything has being through the love of God." --Julian of Norwich

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Thoughts at the end of a sick day

I fell asleep last night drafting this post in my head, but after a long day of sitting on the couch blowing my nose in a feverish haze… I’ve forgotten what it was that I wanted to say. The nice thing about having a sick day was that I’ve finally finished Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, which I thoroughly enjoyed. (For those of you who’ve read it: I think John Ames would approve of pointing out the nice thing about having a sick day, don’t you?)

This week is reading break at Regent and I was excited about being able to write without distractions… but my body had another plan. It’s amazing how many people I know across the continent who have come down with colds right now… I guess its that season. And I have a long standing tradition of getting sick around the end of January/beginning of February, and a cold is the least of the illnesses I’ve marked this time of year with, so I’ll take it. I don’t think I’d had a cold in two years before I got pregnant, but I’ve been sick twice in the 20 weeks so far. But they say your immune system is lower during pregnancy. I guess if a cold is this yucky, I sure don’t want the flu!

We had our 20 week ultrasound last Monday and I have grainy black and white pictures of our sweet baby up above my desk now. If I get a chance to scan them sometime soon, I’ll post them. All seems to be well. We found out the gender (of course these predictions are never quite 100% until baby arrives), but we’re not telling. We’ll let you know when the baby is born. Until then I’ll be practicing gender-neutrality by alternating pronouns. :)

As his movements become more distinct and regular (Clint could feel them last night for the first time!), as I look at the pictures of her tiny fingers, toes, and nose and as my belly becomes more and more pronounced, it’s starting to really sink in that we’re having a baby. In the first trimester it was much harder to imagine an actual person coming out of this whole thing. It felt like such a weird way for new humans to be made—growing inside other humans. But as I go through it myself, it’s not so incredibly weird. I feel such a connection to the little person who I carry around.

I’m starting to research a bit and imagine all the things we’ll need to welcome this child into our home: bassinet, clothes, blankets, slings, diapers, carseat, stroller. In some ways it seems like a lot, in others, not so bad. I’ve found a bed that will sit comfortably beside ours, I’ve started to price out cloth diapers (and decide cheaper is better!), and I’m learning little bits about labor and breastfeeding, those motherly rites of passage. As of right now, it looks like I’ll be able to be an overeducated housewife for a while after baby arrives. And I’m really, really looking forward to this new kind of work.


  1. I'm glad you've finished Gilead. It seems a particularly appropriate companion during pregnancy, I think (having never been pregnant). I'm looking forward to ultrasound pictures!

  2. You are such a tease! I'm very much looking forward to our 20-week ultrasound - just 3 more weeks.

    We plan on cloth diapering as well, though we have gotten the advice to start with disposables for the first few weeks/months while we get used to all the changes that come with a newborn. A good friend of mine recommends http://sweetbottomsbaby.com/ as a good online store for CDs, FYI.

    When did you first feel baby move? I haven't felt any movement yet, and am so looking forward to those first little kicks and flutters.

  3. Josh, I think you're right. There's a kind of reflective waiting that's appropriate to pregnancy, though I probably did cry more than I would have had I been non-preggo.

    Sarah, thanks for the diapering advice! My mom is going to be in town for a while when the baby comes, so I've been hoping she will help with the laundry. The diapers themselves don't seem much more complicated to use. But we have lots of time to figure things out. I'm also trying to decide which side of the border to buy on... US is cheaper... but there are some good local companies here worth supporting.

    I started feeling the baby move at about 16 weeks. I was working on a paper, so I was sitting around a lot. I do tend to feel it more when sitting. They say it feels like "fluttering" but I associate that with that nervous feeling in your stomach, not a little person kicking around. Perhaps the more appropriate metaphor is popcorn popping? :) It was really fun to get to the point where Clint could feel too this week. Now it sometimes feels more sustained, like a snake slithering around. :) So weird, but so fun.

  4. So beautiful to read an update, Laura. I'm terribly excited about this. Love to the three of you.